We’ve all had that awkward moment where we accidentally touched our friend’s boob
does everyone remember this:
yeah well i have a confession to make:
and on that day mankind received a grim reminder
this pigeon was having trouble pecking at a stale cookie on the street so i went over and crushed it with my foot so it could eat better and i think that was the nicest thing i did this year
FUCK YOU GUYS WHO THOUGHT THAT I CRUSHED THE PIGEON AT FIRST IM A NICE PERSON
if a guy friend that you’re romantically interested in asks you out, reject him first as a test to see whether he’ll get angry and accuse you of friendzoning him or respect your decision and be willing to carry on being friends
Example of why women are fucking crazy hahahaha
i’m a man
my crush is tumblr user [truck drives behind me and blocks out my voice]
I don’t know what they’re laughing about but I do know we’re all about to die.
"i kissed ur brother"
"i guess you could say he"
"fell for me"
every girl in the universal regardless of ethnic background, class, sexuality, etc knows the universal mating call of the straight male
y’all obsess over shrek all of a sudden but there’s people like me who have grown up in a shrek household with shrek obsessed parents
try and tell me ur shrek game is as strong as my mums shrek game
she got frickin donkey on her butt
im glad i found this post again
There’s an ass on her ass
like when you’ve been in your room for 3 days and your mom knocks on the door screaming ”get out of your room, we’ve got visit”